Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
