Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
