Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
