I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
