kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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