butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
