Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Someone signed my nipple.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
