my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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