Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
