You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
