Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
