I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
