is your mom at the bar?
she woke up with a sticky ear
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
