How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
