I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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