I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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