ADVERTISEMENT

• (513): View more from Ohio

  I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.

  Fav 14 3032 1221

  share tweet
  

• (214): View more from Texas

  My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.

  Fav 20 7251 1422

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (940): View more from Texas

  I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.

  Fav 41 4532 1935

  share tweet
  

• (516): View more from New York

  making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"

  Fav 9 5089 1212

  share tweet
  

• (301): View more from Maryland

  Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.

  Fav 65 3438 5733

  share tweet
  

• (214): View more from Texas

  It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.

  Fav 8 1627 1473

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (205): View more from Alabama

  Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.

  Fav 3 1559 890

  share tweet
  

• (602): View more from Arizona

  You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?

  Fav 9 1065 4897

  share tweet
  

• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide

  Fav 0 907 944

  share tweet
  

• (705): View more from Ontario

  Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(

  Fav 2 775 577

  share tweet
  

• (281): View more from Texas

  I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.

  Fav 4 919 635

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (713): View more from Texas

  Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?

  Fav 10 1621 645

  share tweet
  

• (317): View more from Indiana

  I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?

  Fav 2 21 62

  share tweet
  

• (480): View more from Arizona

  My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar

  Fav 0 77 9

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (301): View more from Maryland

  The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden

  Fav 0 86 8

  share tweet
  

Randomize