I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
