i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
found the other keg... it's in the tree
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
