Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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