I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
