He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
