fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
