apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Randomize
