Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
