Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
