I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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