I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
