i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
