Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
