I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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