I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
