today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
