Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
