Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
