When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
