the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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