bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
