This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
