You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
