what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
