sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
