Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
