Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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