the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
