Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
