I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
