Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
