If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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