In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
