You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
