my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
