My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
