If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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